home and an interesting twist

So i went home, planning on spending every moment at USF with the girls. Well I get off of the plane and have a message from James waiting for me. I end up meeting him for coffee a little later after I start laundry and sit for 5 minutes! We grab coffee and walk around downtown. (kind of funny bc David and I walked downtown after we broke up too). Anyway, he proceeds to tell me that he doesn't want me to write us off, and that he "hates to break it to me but I'm stuck with him" and that for whatever reason, and he can't explain it.. his passion lies with me and no one else. He told me how he spoke with a good friend of his as well as his grandmother and he just knows all of a sudden. I was of course delighted, but SUPER frustrated at the same time. I'm not really sure how to react to be honest. Its the whole head vs heart battle. I love him and I always have, and never stopped--but I don't want to get hurt or look foolish. I don't want to answer a million questions and feel like people are judging the situation. I know I have to live my life, and make decisions for myself, but it's just so hard. Tara told me she's always one for second chances--as am I. I mean, trying again with David was the best thing for us in that situation. It answered a lot of questions and I'll never have the "what if's".

James is a charmer, and I can't stop smiling when we're together. I mean, this is just a journey--and it's just beginning. I am not coming home in February which is helpful to let things between us slowly work themselves out. I mean, if I was home, my heart would have jumped right in.. and my head would have fought it, and it would have been awkward and messy! This is in some ways a good thing. I'm interested to see what the future holds. I mean, some things will have to be different if there is any hope for us. We always were amazing in person though.. so my fingers are crossed! I am still in control of my life, and I'm proud of the person I am becoming. This job has been an amazing experience and I've learned a lot about myself and I'm a lot stronger than I once believed. I never want to lose that.

Anyway i'm going to try and go to bed at a decent hour tonight. <3 ya